Feb 19, 2020
Yes, you read that right! My husband doesn’t give me gifts on special occasions and I am FINALLY okay with that.
Back when he was still my boyfriend, because we were thousands of miles apart (he was in the United States and I was in the Philippines), he would make an extra effort to send me romantic gifts or do romantic gestures on special occasions. But all of those stopped shortly after I migrated to the United States.
It used to bother me A LOT!!! We used to have countless conversations about it where I’d always end up upset and felt like I’m settling. I would always think that he no longer loves me as much as he did before.
I am not the jealous type, but, especially on Valentine’s Day when everyone is sharing a thoughtful romantic gifts their significant other has given them on social media, I can’t help but feel a tiny ounce of jealousy in me.
But last Wednesday, it finally hit me! He does truly love me. I don’t know why, but it took me 9 years to finally understand it. He shows me he loves me, every single day, but I was too blind to see it.
It’s when he goes with me to hang out without my girl friends without any complain and sincerely enjoys their company.
It’s when he prepares my lunch every morning and would surprise me with extra snacks because I told him my food wasn’t enough the day before.
It’s when he sees a romantic Filipino movie with me even though I know full well that he doesn’t enjoy it at all.
It’s when he offered to do a 4.5 hour drive (1 way) to New York while I stay at home on a Saturday morning, just to buy a fried chicken that I was craving when I was pregnant, and then come back to Virginia right away.
It’s when they have a small gathering in the office and they’re having dessert, he’d bring some home for me because he knows just how much I love dessert. Sometimes, he won’t even touch his just so he can take it home.
It’s when he volunteered to make breakfast & cook dinner from Mondays to Fridays so I can get more sleep.
It’s when he happily goes back to the grocery store because I forgot to ask him to get pasta (he does our grocery shopping) and I am making pasta for dinner.
It’s when he took the responsibility of waking up in the middle of the night to attend to the needs of our newborn baby up until he was sleeping through the night (which didn’t happen until he was almost 1) even if he has to go to work early the next day.
It’s when he told me he’d do all that again for our third baby.
It’s when he drives me all the way to Washington, DC so I can buy my favorite cupcake.
It’s when he consistently tries to make things easier for me.
It’s when he lets me stay in bed to rest and prepares our meals on weekends just because it’s that time of the month.
It’s when he continuously supports me & cheers for me in everything I do.
It’s when he surprises me with a Filipino food he knows I’ll love when he does our grocery shopping.
It’s when he says yes to going on a trip when I know he’s been dying to just stay at home and do nothing.
It’s when he lets me choose whatever I want to do on the rare occasions (our choice) that we go out on dates.
And most importantly, it’s in the way that he loves, cares for, and prioritizes our family over anything.
You see, in the middle of our crazy busy family life, where all we do is go to work, take care of the kids, and go to sleep, it’s very easy to take all these things for granted. In this day and age, when we are all so used to seeing all those romantic grand gestures that had gone viral on Facebook, it’s really very easy to be upset when we get anything less from our partners (I hope I’m not alone on this).
And it’s also probably because of all those romantic movies that I love to watch that had me believing that being in a relationship with someone means that you will feel overwhelmingly giddy ALL THE TIME. What I failed to realize is that in these movies, these couples are just starting out. We were like them in the beginning of our relationship. But we’ve come a long way and have grown so much. And here we are… almost 12 years down the road. Our reality is far from theirs.
And in real life, things don’t always look or feel good. Some days are better than others. Most days everything just feels like a routine. But that’s the beauty of it. That means that I can always count on it. I know that I can always count on us. I know that we will consistently be there for each other no matter what.
Sometimes he would buy me gifts only because I’d ask him to & I’d tell him exactly what I want. It still would be nice to be surprised with something he thoughtfully came up with from time to time. But, hey, I’m not going to complain because I got exactly what I want. 🙂
Last Wednesday, he came home from a conference in Washington, DC and brought a box of my favorite cupcake. Right then and there, I realized that this is him showing me that he does love me. Just not in the way that I am expecting him to, but in only the way that he knows how.
‘Til next time,